When I planned on revealing my identity, I assumed it would be via some funny video. Life, however, makes it owns plans and tells you about them afterwards.
“The best-laid plans of mice and men oft go awry.” -Robert Burns
I knew this had to be my first post. It had to be about Nonno, my Italian-American grandpa who just passed.
Mom called me at work and told me Nonno was dying. He was in a coma-like state and could die at any moment. I left immediately for the hospital.
About a month earlier he fell when his body went into septic shock. Most 91 year old men die from septic shock, let alone falling. Nonno wasn’t like most men. He was a large, sturdy person. Even when he was his most sick, I would think to myself, “Geez! He still looks way stronger than most men his age.” (An amazing feat, given he hated exercise.)
It was odd seeing him so weak and fragile. Nonno was larger than life. Now he could barely walk even with a walker. He needed assistance with almost everything. One time he said to me, “Look at me. I’m back to being a baby!” I replied, “Well, I feel like there are three times that people act like a baby, when they are young, when they are old, and when they have too much to drink.” That got a laugh from him.
Two nights before he died, my family was lucky enough to eat dinner with him. It was a really good meal. My dad barbecued rack of lamb and brought it to their house. The next day, he had pasta from one of his favorite local Italian restaurants. It was perfect for Nonno who is the ultimate foodie. As my mom says, “He has the food gene.”
Nonno didn’t wake up the night after the pasta. Nonna (my grandma) called my Uncle Rich. Together they called 911 and tried CPR on him. It didn’t work so an ambulance came to pick him up and bring him to the hospital. Doctors said that they could operate but it most likely would just cause him pain and be unsuccessful. In other words, Nonno was going to die and everyone should come to say their last goodbyes.
When I arrived at the hospital I got to wheel his friend from college into the room. We both saw Nonno hooked up to a respirator. It turned out, since Nonno had suffered a brain bleed, he could hear us talk but could only respond by moving his legs and body a little bit. I noticed that Nonno moved the most when his college friend and sisters talked to him and when we prayed the rosary.
When everyone arrived they said their last words to him. Almost nothing would come out for me. Apparently all my brainpower was focused on trying not to cry. It wasn’t successful. I cried… A LOT. People with German genes in them were not made for these types of emotional situations. I think something short circuited up there. I still managed to squeak out some words of love to him.
Doctors said that Nonno could die at any second yet he held on for 3 days! I think he stayed alive so he could say goodbye to his whole family. This is quite a feat considering he had 12 kids, 70 grandkids, and 55+ great grandkids. People from across the country called in by phone and said their goodbyes over the speakers. Amazingly my aunts and uncles were even able to drive up from Florida and see him before he passed.
The night they said goodbye was the day he died. It was 2 am on Halloween, the night before All Souls Day. On All Souls Day the entire Catholic church prays for the souls in purgatory before they enter heaven. Pretty good timing on his part! After that day is All Saints Day when everyone celebrates the saints in heaven. I joked, “He just had to win the All Saints Day costume contest didn’t he?”
Several amazing things happened the night Nonno died. My brother, who couldn’t visit because he had pneumonia, was sad and asleep at home. He had a dream that Nonno visited him. Nonno said goodbye and kissed him on the cheek Italian style. My brother instantly woke up and knew Nonno had passed. The two youngest grandkids who also couldn’t visit, had the same experience of him visiting them in a dream. I joked, “Nonno had FOMO even in the afterlife.”
Funny stories for levity
Performing CPR
According to my Uncle Rich, the 911 operator walked him through how to do CPR. After awhile, she said, “Alright you’re going to have to give him mouth-to-mouth.” My uncle told me later on, “I thought, if he wakes up while I’m doing this, he’s gonna yell, ‘What the hell are you doing???‘“
Interesting kid perspectives
While we were waiting in Nonno’s hospital room, the entire room was silent until one of my very young nieces looked around and yelled, “Where are the doctors???” (Nonno had stabilized so none were there at the time.)
Another nephew had an important question about Nonno’s vitals displayed on the screens, “Is that how many seconds he has to live?”
Food to die for
I told the chef that made Nonno his last meal that we were happy the meal was made by him. He joked, “Did I kill him?”
Nonno definitely didn’t die eating but if he had to pick a way to die, death via food-that-tastes-too-good would probably have been what he would have picked.
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